You deserve each other! Yep. While we both made it, I wanted it and he didnt. And at 40 years of age, he should know how babies are made and if he didnt want kids, maybe he should have considered getting snipped? If there was a child at conception, abortion would be murder. There is a certain degree of sadness in all of this, yes, but Ive turned out far better than my friends whose fathers have been unable to make up their minds one way or another about parenthood. Im happy to have found a father in my father-in-law, who has really become the dad I never had in that he loves me, supports me, listens to me, and even spoils me, haha! Im usually just a lurker here on DW, but the strong debate over this letter compelled me to comment. Especially the children. Seriously. He said he would do whatever i wanted him to. This dude intends to contribute to the childs life financially, but in no other ways, which seems vastly unfair to the child. They can either hope the woman opts to not keep the baby, or they pay. Men cant choose to abort because biology dictates that the fetus is not in their body. But everyday it breaks my heart knowing I'm not going to be the top priority. April 10, 2012, 6:23 pm, P.S. My above reenactment was not a true depiction of the dialogue I believe took place. Im guessing thats where most of us got the idea that he was trying to push it on her. Heres the fact: LW, you dont get a say in what this woman does, and neither does your boyfriend. bittergaymark April 9, 2012, 1:35 pm. MOA, and wash your hands of the whole thing. I just dont see any part of the circumstance that allows a 40 year old man who was having consensual sex to take the other issues out on his own child by refusing to have anything to do with it. The primary relationship in someones life is allowed to (and should) remain the primary relationship, even after the later appearance of children. The entire letter reeked of entitlement. I dont agree with it, but the beauty of being an American is we both get to have our views. April 9, 2012, 9:20 am. And not even the most important part. But if YOU really are so fucked up and so pathetic that you want to build a life with a man who for intents are purposes wants to simply abandon his own child have at it. The research on on-again/off-again couplesthose that break up and get back together multiple timesindicates that some of the most common reasons for getting back together with an ex include . Is that fair to women? Only a valid argument of youre completely unaware of how babies are made and that birth control does not prevent pregnancy but only reduces the likelihood. Some people are correct that the LWs anger is displaced. All it is is having someone served w papers requiring them by law to have a q tip swab their mouth. And as far as I can tell, it happens an awful lot. Men dont pay child support during gestation only when there is an actually living child is in the world that has physical needs. And with that said, he should confirm the woman is indeed pregnant and get a paternity test when the child is born. April 10, 2012, 8:46 am, he does not have the option to opt out entirely. Where do stand on the fact that when a pregnancy occurs its only the woman who has to go through either an abortion or childbirth and the man never does either? Because the bf in question was part of the creation of the child. silver_dragon_girl theQuietOne The only thing you need to think about is if you can stay and have a healthy relationship with a man who has a child with another woman and wants to bear minimal responsibility for raising the child. I must respectfully disagree with you. It doesnt even come close. She got pregnant. Im sorry, but sex creates children. But still. You may love and care for this man and attack the other women all day long, but at the end of the day, you do not have a relationship and nothing has changed. April 9, 2012, 11:00 am. Freeze your sperm and get a vasectomy. Like condoms until you actually know you can trust them. Example: Couple agrees to the set-up evanscr05s friend did. Maybe because she wants something to love. We . But condoms should still be used unless the relationship is established and monogamous and both parties are disease-free. I think this guy is a jerk not because he had sex with someone else when he was single, but because he is taking no responsibility for a life he created. A month after we broke up, she started a new guy. Hes so full of sh*t, I bet his eyes are brown. He said he still loves me and that he didnt love her, and it was a mistake. He says he'll do it after the first trimester as the girl's pregnancy is prone to miscarriage. And guess whatthe potential consequences came to life, quite literally for him. Thats shitty. What the LW needs to do is take a deep breath, wait a long time for this situation to resolve, and then decide what she wants to do. It makes sense that she would do everything she could to convince us that this other woman wanting to keep the child is the worse thing ever because theyre obviously meant to be and this childs existence is a testament to the fact that their (former and/or current) relationship wasnt/isnt perfect. I dont know why this posted as a reply to Honeybeenicki I tried to post it separately. Really? A guy does have every right to tell her look, Im not ready to do this. You are feeling particularly aggressive or bold. hamster van beethoven You are an entitled, awful, C.U.N.T for even THINKING that you have an opinion on what this woman does with her pregnancy. If he isnt willing to be there for his kid, wanted or not, then what happens when you get pregnant? I mean, for starters, if I even had one unplanned baby while on the pill, Id probably not continue to use it. Your logic is weird. reader, Lisa Belize+, writes (22 September 2009): A Yes, the language in the letter is certainly. So, in other words, RR, it is a noble thing to give your child to strangers in the hope that he or she is treated well (that the adoptive parents wont abuse them, wont get divorced in a messy way, wont let them fend for themselves, and so on), even though youll have no interaction with that child again, but it is base and vile to have the same lack of interaction but to provide financial support which doesnt in any way affect the mothers ability to find a partner that is right for her. I am very much in love with my husband and believe him when he says he loves me too. Doesnt have to be romantically involved with this woman, but he wants nothing to do with the child that he helped to create, or the woman he cant stand. I know plenty of women who are exemplary parents. am . No one has a condom, Lady says Its cool, Im on the pill and Dude says awesome, I already took my Viagra anyway, cant really run to the store. They bone. religiously wear condoms. These Are The 5 Signs Your Ex Is In A Rebound Relationship. Fury at the woman he impregnated is misdirected. In my opinion, even if the baby turns out to not be his, hes already shown his true colors; and theyre pretty yellow. Agree. Because we stayed together, she caused him a lot of stress and drama by doing things like not letting him see his kids. They should act responsibly. Listen, people have sexcasuallyand sometimes with people they never hope to see again. And not because he deserved it for having possibly unprotected sex. We were together for 2 1/2 years, lived together, got a dog together, talked about mar. Her judgment is irrelevant, but it isnt immoral. Francine You should be furious with him and dump his ass! Now imagine a bunch of people calling you a scumbag for having the temerity to be angry at your friend, arguing that the situation is of your own making since you should have known this was a possibility when you lent out the car. He basically put you out of his mind, then he wanted you to assume his guilt. Scummy is the wrong word to use. John Rohan bittergaymark Since there is no way to guarantee pregnancy wont occur aside from proof of sterility, this righteous DW anger would likely be aimed at any man who didnt end up wanting the child (no matter what precautions had been taken), likely by the same people whod turn red in the face about any story where a man was forcibly stopping someone from getting an abortion. He can just disappear forever for all I care. PS. iseeshiny lets_be_honest Are you sure you are not living in a cheap novel? I cant even imagine how a grown man can be deceived into impregnating someone. the thing is, he has a 4 yr old daughter. REALLY? Termination of Parental rights does NOT absolve you from paying Child Support in the United States of America. How does your law see that both get what they want? There are many other examples of behavior that might possibly lead to unwanted consequences that we each do daily. I think it is fair for him to be disappointed, angry and frustrated. She barely knows her new boyfriend, yet she's already pregnant with the guy's baby and is forced to plan a future with him. Furthermore, why does this child need two parents? Because once the innocent kid is here, the fact that he/she was an accident does not mean he/she has less of a need for supportive, involved parents. So tough shit. I had no idea. A kid is not a building. How does your law make this fair? And he put you in danger of contracting an STD because he failed to use a condom. Its not JUST about your ex-boyfriend, LW. Or, she may have seemed supportive during the relationship, but . it comes across really condescending and I think it makes people take your reasoning less seriously. reader, kmart+, writes (24 July 2008): A Because hes treating the mother of his child, and his child, with such disdain and disregarding his responsibility to him/her. He didnt come chasing after you. I must be bloody kidding myself. April 10, 2012, 5:54 pm. Just 10 seconds in the slipstream at 175 mph.. Chuck Pelto But it happened. I think shes nothing but a little scroat. Now this is really petty, but I'm planning to post a picture of me and my boyfriend for her to see. I just disagree that sexual preference has anything to do with how likely one is to use a condom all the time. 17. Which is funny, since weve been telling right wingers that all along. Now? Addie Pray Also, I dont understand why you spend your whole letter insulting her instead of him. Why are you standing up for mens right to bang a chick they have known two minutes without a condom and have no consequences for THEIR actions. When we got back together we had a lot of trust issues and found it hard to forgive one another. Women have figured that game out, and it sucks. They shouldnt just play house for the sake of the kid. Its a double standard. A forty year old man who can be tricked into believing that intercourse, with birth control or not, cannot lead to a baby is an idiot. If they dont want to be taken, then they should think before they poke landygirl. Oh, and I dont hate women who get child support. You shouldnt expect him to bow down and praise the woman. I know you two were on a break but I hope you made him get swabbed for STDs. And now that theres a pregnancy and the options arent his hes furious at the woman he impregnated because it isnt going the way he wants. Anthony Leonson I think its pretty unfair that women have the choice to abort or not, and the man gets no say in that, not really. Its like the universe is all conspiring against us! Ok, so this dude: February 1, 2014, 11:38 am. Youre the one asserting that its only one sex that experiences unfairness. Who then supports the child that the man made? But if its not, ITA with Amanda, LW. him: I would prefer if you had an abortion. It doesnt make sense. Nor is there any guarantee that the woman who tells you that she doesnt want to have a baby wont change her mind when faced with that decision. because, no one can give you a 100% guarantee that none of that will happen. If he doesnt do this, and the woman gets pregnant anyways, he needs to show maturity and be responsible for his decisions. Definitely do a paternity test to be sure but if he follows through with not being a part of the childs life, hes a scumbag. And the legal system that obligates him was in place when he put himself in this position. I know youre just trying to tell us that the little scroat wont be able to trap him, buttttt it looks like you cant hold onto him either? He wont be a deadbeat dad, as some have suggested. At which point, no matter what form the chastisement comes, feminists are going to be looking for REAL men..and not finding them. Girls can get caught up in emotions and run wild with feels sometime devilish innocent Established Member Established Members My Ex-girlfriend says she misses me. April 10, 2012, 12:44 pm. I think the fact that he is angry at this woman for not having an abortion speaks loudly and clearly as to his character. bittergaymark Many women become habituated to the hormone regimen and begin ovulating again, even while on the pill. CONSTANTLY. Make Ford. If the woman is not required to support a child Takeoff Shot in Head and Torso, According to Coroner Report, Aaron Carter Pulled Over On Suspicion Of DUI While Driving RV. Quit acting like hes so hard done by by this woman and tell him to get some responsibility. As a woman, you have control over that. Want to be disappointed, read the comments first and then read the letter. There is no 100 percent way to prevent pregnancy. Besides, he made that choice a long time ago when you broke up the first time. He let you go. April 10, 2012, 7:38 pm. Men will never have to make that choice. If a woman wanted to choose to terminate the child, would she be less of a real woman for not stepping up to the responsibility? This is about a pregnancy thats two weeks in. No reason to pass that one along to future generations, Rachelgrace53 Who deserves to have the two people who were responsible for bringing it into the world both contributing to support it. Or shes against abortion. And, again, this is common except with those inflicted with social disorders who cant seem to not say exactly what theyre thinking. A human being on this earth that is 50% like you. These are very common questions going through a guy's mind when he finds out his ex had a baby with someone else and now wants him back. Doesnt matter if the owner of cocacola sat down with you and discussed the possible risk of opening a bottle and what you would both do if something went wrong. The hand and fingers were all bright red and black-and-blue under the nails. A Happy Life Malarky. My point was BOTH of them are responsible NOT just one of them. Its always just a hope. 2. Everyone experiences the ups and downs of a relationship differently, and the same goes for breakups. I feel stupid once again and a part of me feels that he may come back to me again and I really dont want to be involved, but Im so weak and dont know how to let go.
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