They have shown me exactly who I do not want to be., 15. 6. Walking into a room and then forgetting why I am here is my daily cardio. How do you count cows? Every day I am devoted to my passions and dreams. When the past comes knocking, dont answer. Life is filled with highs and lows, stress and anxiety, so sometimes some funny and positive words will help you lighten up on an encouraging note. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. Remember, What consumes your mind, controls your life., 7. Flip Wilson Ted Turner. When they go away, its a brighter day. 230. Laughter brings me closer to people. 272. 62. Choose a job you love and youll never have to work a day in your lifebecause that field isnt hiring. 189. 164. Bill Murray. 44. 127. I would have appreciated exams if they had allowed our Pokemons and Ninjas. 74. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. When nothing is going right, go left. Hence, avoid using past or future tenses. Sharing quotes, proverbs, and sayings of great authors to touch people's lives to make it better. I tried, but they wanted cash. Start your day on a positive and lighter note with these funny daily affirmations and quotes to get you through. Make the statements about yourself and for yourself. Best friends eat your food. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. 9. I am stepping out of my comfort zone, no matter how small the step. 179. 4. 185. I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! "I am becoming humorous day by day.". Frances McDormand Today I will embrace the poop., 7. Excuse me please, I have to go hide a treasure. Plus, youre never gonna become funny and charismatic by being afraid to speak your mind. I am not letting an episode of my life ruin the entire show. If Im not there, I go to work. Robert Orben, 4. Art doesnt transform. Life is a game full of little and big surprises. 152. Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. Decomposing. 22. Every one of my colleagues brings happiness into the office. If you see affirmations that say " I will, " " I used to, " or " I'm going to, " then this is NOT an affirmation. Steven Alexander Wright As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. 63. 163. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. One of the most important aspects of affirmations is how authentic they feel to you. The world needs people like me to keep things interesting!, 15. Fortunately, theres a way to reap the benefits of these powerful statements by giving them a humorous twist. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. 273. Its time to be much more intentional about the words that we tell ourselves and take a step back from all of lifes noise. But sometimes affirmations may not work. 48. Without further ado, let's look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. My windows arent dirty, my dog is painting. If I am willing to go back to bed when I wake up, I will go and make up the bed. Steve Martin, 254. Im not running away from hard work, Im too lazy to run. I am thankful for all those difficult people in my life. I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. 199. "Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.". Ive been doing nothing for years. I feel great. 12. If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. I am strong and getting stronger every day. 207. 9. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. 21. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. You can only be young once. 275. Socrates. You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. - Benjamin Franklin. 76. The library, because it has so many stories. Your actions become your habits. I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon. Dont forget to check out our post onlove yourself quotesandvision board quotesto attract positivity in your life. 53. We need to hear a pin drop. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. Frances McDormand, 42. Positive music, resilience, inner strength and a growth mindset lead to success!. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. 45. 51. I didnt give you the finger, you earned it. I am on a seafood diet. Jonathan lockwood huie. .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. ( @malacollective) Fear and adventure go hand-in-hand when you're following your dreams. I dont cross oceans for people who wouldnt cross puddles for me. avoid carbs. Ann Landers, 244. We all have different and distinctive senses of humor thats what makes us such unique individuals. 5. Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world. 213. 7. Its scary when it disappears. To conclude this list of funny affirmations, heres a few that are specifically focused around work. 10. What is Mozart doing right now? Keep your affirmations in the present. It's OK to take a break. 184. But you can always be immature. Breasts dont have eyes. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. Required fields are marked *. Milton Berle, 245. 170. 211. Laughter has always been lauded for its therapeutic effects. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Run. Ben Hogan. Robert A. Heinlein I might take a nap if I get tired, but I wont quit. 148. 23. If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito. Betty Reese, 9. I wonder why spiderman narrated it the other way round. I intend to live forever. Ann Landers My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. Funny Daily Affirmations. 'Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.'. If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. Dont worry, the spider is smaller than you. 1. 215. In life, sometimes you just need to break the tension with a little humor. Yeah, so is a grenade. Here are the 200 best sarcastic quotes, from funny comments, sayings, and phrases dripping with snarky sarcasm. 115. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. We have rounded up the best collection of funny affirmations, quotes, sayings, captions, positive thoughts (with images and pictures) to encourage friends and family to manifest their thoughts into things. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. 128. Why cant you trust an atom? And their purpose certainly isn't to minimize hard feelings. 5. Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. There are endless opportunities. Learn sign language, its very handy. Declare your affirmations slowly and clearly. 104. Bill Gates. Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? Whether its at other people or at ourselves, its good to laugh in life. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. Affirmations are an opportunity to be honest with ourselves and recognize that we have a treasure trove of power and creativity within us. No, but April may. Bill Murray. It has the power to add levity to our daily challenges. Chris Rock I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me. I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. 228. Relax, its the weekend, just dont blink or it will be all over. Amidst all the stress, anxiety and worries, a smile can help you brighten your day. My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. "You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.". You are good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough, and strong enough. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if youre one of them (I bet you are), youre going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm. 223. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. A wishbone. When affirmations make you feel good about yourself, they are most effective. Whatever you must do todaydo it with the confidence of a 4-year-old in a Batman cape., 2. Heres some short funny affirmations that will hopefully brighten up your day. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well., 13. 35. It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor. 124. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. You might use humor as a coping mechanism. You dont have to be crazy to be my friend, but it helps. The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. 271. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. Im not weird, Im just limited edition. 60. By waking up and repeating this mantra, you will set the tone for the day. 202. Whenever I get back home, I lose all the superpowers that I had when with friends. In the morning, I cant get up. Wilson Mizner Yesterday I did nothing and today Im finishing what I did yesterday. 234. Lorrin L. Lee. 218. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. We all need a little energy boost here and there. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. Sorry, I didnt pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. At night, I cant fall asleep. Finally, if you want a simple tool to record and recite these affirmations, then check out these 13 affirmations apps that help you create a positive mindset. 119. Wilson Mizner, 262. I intend to live forever. Funny affirmation quotes funny quotes about affirmation. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. 254. How do astronomers organize a party? I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? I am passing all the things and hardships with a smile. 28. I am willing to ask for help when it serves my growth. Remember that the effects of affirmations are no laughing matter, so make sure your voice is heard. Any text will do. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. No one can make me feel my jokes are bad. Happy Birthday.". 156. Making everyone angry, piece of cake. I am joyful for achieving the ones I did. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. Hello little voice inside my head, please just shut up. Im sorry that Im not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. Your values become your destiny. "We . Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late. 3. Don't forget to be awesome. A mind is like a parachute. The thing is, I am still getting ready. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? Description for this block. 156. - Catherine Pulsifer. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? 233. The following is the list of some humorous affirmations for you: I am doing all the amazing things because I am an amazing human being. Franklin Jones, 259. I say what I want and i dont care what everyone else thinks about it. Positive Daily Affirmations for Women. 7. I am calm, patient and at peace. 153. I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. Erma Bombeck 119. I love my job only when Im on vacation. Short people with an umbrella. Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. Erma Bombeck. I dont think thats a coincidence. I have a new hairstyle today, its called I tried. If you have crazy friends you have everything youll ever need. 236. What do I do for a living? I try to see the funny side of every situation., 3. 1. Im amusing and make the people around me happy. It makes them so damned mad. - Irish Saying. Billy Wilder. Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world. 140. "My funny vibes attract my happy tribe.". Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wifes mother. The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. 260. Funny positive affirmations do work. 23. 1. I train my body. 35. 70. Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. 244. Im not lazy, Im just very relaxed. Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. I feed my spirit. But it'll move up again.". 3. 'If you would like to know the value of money, try to borrow some.'. To make time fly, throw your watch out the window. Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on how to write affirmations and the benefits of affirmations. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youre done. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. Its what it is supposed to be, dont overthink and let it go. 101. Im old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. Albert King Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place, the fridge. On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. 113. Stop trying to make everyone happy. Putting up with others shit isnt on my To-Do list today. They planet. With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. 37. Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. 145. Explore the latest videos from hashtags: #affirmations, #affirmation, #funnyaffirmation, #dailyaffirmations, #affirmationsoftheday, # . 28. Those who snore always fall asleep first. Robert Bloch 245. Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back. Hes dreaming too. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? And a funny bone., 10. 220. 259. Alison Boulter. 55. IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. It equates "weight loss" with thoughts like: I can. 194. Laughter can help you see the humor in otherwise grim situations. Let me know in the comments section down below! 1. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go. Enjoy! 180. Exercise? Then, think about how easy it would be to say a simple statement to yourself throughout the day. 114. You can also think of your affirmations while you work, drive, do yoga, or simply enjoy time with friends. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I cant see. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, 9. These 50 funny affirmations will help you feel better about yourself while keeping a wide smile on your face. Choose words that make you feel confident about yourself. I draw from my inner strength and light. 85. No matter how bad it gets Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. Ive got three bones. Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours. Giving up on your goal because of one setback is like slashing your other three tires because you got a flat., 6. Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. 219. 5. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash., 9. Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. The best things in life are free. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. My mom scolds me for no reason. Life always offers you a second chance. So, you promise yourself from tomorrow on, youll be starting your days using affirmations. 162. If you dont succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. Heres a list of funny affirmations that will improve your mood instantly. So, watch your words, restructure your thoughts, and stay positive if you want to see a change in your life. 25. Ill start this journey with my 10 favorite funny affirmations that never fail to make me laugh. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know. Not me, but somebody does. "Whatever you do, do with all your might.". 139. Today, I acknowledge the time I have spent over the week. Every day I become calmer and do more good for the world. 2. 279. So, here's our compilation of funny work quotes that are perfect for every workplace: Image Source: Unsplash. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. "Age is of no importance unless you're a cheese.". (John 14:27) 27. But a little chocolate now and then doesnt hurt. Not everyone has good taste. Stressed spelled backward is desserts. Albert Einstein 237. 28. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. 72. 209. My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop. May your yoga pants be stretchy, your coffee be strong and your Wednesday be short., See also: 120 Inspiring Wednesday Morning Blessings To Motivate You. Albert King. Today Im going to reach for the stars so that I can air out my armpits. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. A backbone. Im sure youve heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily. I am attractive just as I am. A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. We'll get to that later. Microchips. 121. Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, Ill add LOL at the end. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car.
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